This year especially has been ridiculously difficult for both of us. Stress was the absolute worst it has ever been for us. We yelled at each other so much this year. We both cried to the point where the other was not able to console us. We felt weak and beaten down emotionally and mentally which led us to being mean to each other. We were unsure of decisions we were making for both sons' well being. We didn't appreciate each other enough. We didn't hug each other enough. We didn't take enough time to acknowledge the other's existence and just be together.
I'm worried we have lost some of our ability to connect with each other. Our conversations are infrequent and brief. As the stress diminishes, we will need to redefine our relationship baseline. I'm hopeful we will find a better status quo for our daily interactions.
If I have given the misconception that Dave and I are living some fairytale relationship I have created the wrong perception. I would never classify our relationship as the "perfect marriage". However, despite all the absolute crap we have gone through with each other and because of each other, especially this year, I choose Dave every day.
Maybe the perfect marriage can have more bad days than good. Maybe it can have yelling at, neglect of, and despair towards your partner. Maybe a perfect marriage is the realization that relationships have phases and acknowledging daily you and your partner choose each other because you believe the other brings out a better you to be able to conquer life's obstacles tomorrow.
What is your definition of a perfect marriage?
Perfect marriage? Is there such a thing? Last I checked, there is defintely no such thing. Facebook and social media are great giving us unrealistic expectations of what that looks like: happy pictures, awesome experiences, a snapshot in time..... but the rest of the relationships are messy.
ReplyDeleteMy marriage is FAR from perfect. We fight, we struggle to be individuals, we struggle connecting, we are mad for each other, and we often do not know the right thing to say. Yet, we somehow keep going on.
This holiday season, I'm thankful that I could see other marriages for what they are - shame triggers were everywhere and nerves were touched that triggered snippy reactions. No one was exempt. All couples in our life had it occur, which gave me relief that it's normal..... the unrealistic belief online makes everything look perfect and perfect, we are not.
Truth.
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